Wednesday, 30 January 2019

"They're Mummy's Old Friends.."

Today I heard Aoife's voice say to me, "Mummy, who are they?" whilst pointing at a photograph of me and some friends from years ago. My response? "They're mummy's old friends", "Okay, I don't know them do I?" - it broke my heart. I mustered a response of "you used to" and quickly changed the subject. 

That short conversation made me realise just how much things had changed over the last few years. Friends who I thought would play an important role in Aoife's life, well we no longer see them; Aoife doesn't even recognise them from photographs. Friends who I would speak to every day without fail, who would discuss all of the adventures we would have with Aoife as she grew up; I can now count on one hand the amount of times we have spoken in the last eighteen months. Most haven't even met Florrie who was born in 2017.

It's hard not to look back and wonder what happened? Why are these people not around? Should I have put more effort in? All of this I asked myself until I saw a quote;

"Sometimes I feel bad for not calling or checking up on people, but then I realise that they aren't checking up on me either"

Suddenly it clicked that I need to stop mourning old friendships and give my all to my current friendships of which I am so grateful for; the friends who know that I may have to cancel at the last minute, or may not feel up to taking the girls out so they come over with a takeaway. They don't expect me to sit in a coffee shop with two bored children and will happily have a picnic in the park or join us at soft play. These friends are the ones who I may not have seen for a while but we will always pick up where we left off, who bring a grin to Aoife's face as they're happy to muck in and play with her. They are also the friends who support everything I do, including this blog. They'll share my posts and recommend it to their friends. 

These are the people who I will be focusing on in 2019, not the ones that disappeared once priorities shifted, even so much as to remove themselves from following me on social media. In a way, I'm thankful that it happened when it did. If Aoife had remembered people then it would have been a lot worse than what it is. The last thing I want is to see my children hurting over an adult's actions; thankfully this isn't the case and never will be in the future.

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