Tuesday 16 January 2018

To My Friends Without Children.

Dear friends without children.
We haven't spoken or seen each other for a while; it's probably been months actually. The last time we saw each other or had a proper conversation may have even been when I was pregnant with Florrie.
The last three years have been hard when it comes to maintaining friendships; when Aoife was a baby, meeting up at coffee shops or going shopping was easy - she would happily sleep in her pram whilst we could get on with catching up. Once she got a bit older, this was harder; I had to turn down coffee shop catch ups as there is no way in which a toddler would stay entertained in there for hours.
We all swore that things wouldn't change once my little one arrived, in fact, we were adamant that we would go on amazing girls trips to the zoo or the farm. For a while, things didn't change and everything stayed relatively normal. But somewhere amongst the sleepless nights and soft play dates with other mums, our friendship was placed on the back burner; for that I am sorry.
I am sorry that our friendship deteriorated; we went from speaking daily to now not speaking for months. You see, as soon as that now almost three year old was placed on my chest after just being born, my priorities and identity changed. I became a mum and my helpless little one became my main priority over everyone else.
I never really admitted how hard it was to be one of the first of my friends to have children. It was as though a switch flicked inside me; I couldn't sit around and talk for hours on end about makeup or fuss about making beauty appointments. I could no longer justify spending hundreds of pounds on myself in one shopping trip when I had a child to provide for. Now that my priorities have changed, I find that it becomes increasingly harder to relate - gone are my girls holidays to Mexico and Las Vegas. Instead I'm pricing up taking my daughters to Orlando in a few years, but do you know what? I'll take Mickey Mouse over Mexican tequila any day!
Although I do hate that our friendship has been put on pause, I can assure you that it isn't forever. I've changed - children do that to you. One day you may even experience it yourself. I thought raising one baby was hard, but raising two is even harder. I now get even less time to myself, which means even less time to put love and care into a friendship.
Despite this, my girls are teaching me exactly what love is so that, eventually, I can use this new knowledge to be a better friend to you. If you will still have me that is.
To the friends that have stayed; thank you. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for making it feel as though no time has passed since we last spoke, even though it has been months. Thank you for telling me off when I apologise for not being in touch sooner. Thank you.
To the friends that left; that's okay. I do get it - you lost a friendship too and it damn well hurts. Having children does crazy things to a person and everyone else gets sidelined for a while. But for what it's worth, I'm sorry.
I will be back soon, I promise. x


  1. Okay I couldn't ADORE this post any more than I do. Beautifully written and so so true xxx

  2. I’ve found that friendships with friends who DO have kids have changed as well, simply because for that first year of your child’s life, you are not present in the world; you’re in your own little bubble that no one can penetrate. Now I’m back in work it’s even harder to schedule the time to meet up with friends!

  3. Awww this is such a lovely post, it really is incredible how much becoming a parent changes you. But it's also wonderful that friendship can be put on pause, so to speak, because your friends understand.

  4. This is such a wonderful post. I've found this with friends (I was the first in my group to have a baby) but now they're all starting to have babies and things are going back to normal :) xx

  5. Such a beautifully written post. I think all mums will be able to relate to this.

  6. Such a lovely post! I defo think we can all relate to this and as mamas, we can often feel isolated and sometimes feel left out when our other friends without children go out and do things we cannot do anymore