Tuesday 9 January 2018

My Last Baby?

After having my two girls I am constantly asked if I'm "done" and if I'll "go again" for a boy.
Firstly, I think it's quite rude to even ask someone about their future pregnancy intentions. For all anyone knows, something could have happened at Florrie's birth which resulted in me not being able to have anymore children (it didn't but it sure gets you thinking doesn't it?).
Secondly, if you want a downright honest answer? I just don't know. Right now I am at an 80/20 split to say that I'm done. My head says no more; the logistics behind three children would be way too much for me to handle and I would most definitely have to leave my job due to childcare costs which I don't want to do. I also rather enjoy my sleep and really do think that my mental health would suffer greatly with another newborn. Plus, I have spent over three years of my life so far dedicated to pregnancy and raising the girls that I want to do something for me. Once both of the girls are in school I will be looking to go back to university to study Midwifery. Hopefully being surrounded by newborns constantly will stop me from craving another one of my own.
Also, before I had the girls I was a bit of a gym lover and went around four to five times a week. Whilst I don't feel that there is a lot of point in starting back now with my surrogacy journey being so imminent, once it is complete I will be looking to join a gym and start to enjoy it again.
In my head, two children are most certainly easier when it comes down to finances, childcare, holidays, cars, even houses. 
Yes, that's what my head says. But my heart.. I don't think my heart will ever fully feel "done". But I know full well that if I went on to have a third then I will feel the exact same way and yearn for a fourth and so on. It would never end so a line has to sadly be drawn. I am so lucky to have my two girls and to never have experienced problems trying to conceive them; that alone makes me feel as though I should go again but I know that shouldn't be a reason to.
I loved being pregnant and craved my pregnancy bump as soon as it went. Weirdly I even look forward to labour, despite having a horrible time with my first. This is why I am so grateful to have surrogacy as an option to me; I get to have the pregnancy bump and labour again, knowing that at the end of it I won't be the one dealing with the sleepless nights. Of course surrogacy in itself is very bittersweet as it is mainly there for those women who are not able to carry themselves.
My husband and I were recently discussing adoption and fostering - it is something that we have actually not talked about together before but it turns out that it is something that we would both like to look into later on in life when both of our girls are older. 
So whilst Florrie will be my last baby, she may not be my last child. Who knows?

1 comment

  1. I could've written this post myself lovely. When people ask me if we'll have a third my honest answer is I just dont know. Some days I feel 50/50 about it, other days I'm 80/20 that we're done!..Who knows what the future holds! x