The Silence Of A Loss

Loss: noun

The feeling of grief after losing someone or something of value.

When someone dies, usually everyone rallies round and helps to plan a funeral; a celebration of that person's life. Friends and family gather to talk and laugh about the memories that they hold of that person who has passed away. Once the funeral has taken place this person is not forgotten and is probably still talked about quite a lot. Family may still celebrate their birthday with a meal or releasing balloons.

This is a common practice across the globe, so why on earth, in this day and age, is there such a silence on losing a baby that has yet to be born?

Miscarriage is the most common type of pregnancy loss and affects 1 in 4 pregnancies; I am not ashamed to say that I am 1 in 4. My miscarriage happened very early on - I must have only been 3 weeks pregnant if that. Pretty much as soon as I found out, it ended. 

I never grieved as, to be quite honest, I knew it was not my time. It was never planned and I knew I wouldn't be with that person forever. If the outcome had been different, I would never have met my husband or have had Aoife.

Despite my "not caring" attitude towards it, I still refrained from discussing it. Only a handful of people knew and I kept it my dirty little secret. Looking back, I can't help but think how silly I was; I know if I went through it again then I would be a lot more comfortable talking about it.

I find it unsettling that the topic of miscarriage and still birth is only now being discussed openly in the media. Surely these topics should never have been hidden; women should never have been made to feel silenced?

However, despite this, a large part of me is so glad as now more and more women are gaining the strength and courage to speak out and petitions are also being made in regards to things such as birth certificates being issued.

Regardless of if you were four weeks pregnant or four months, if your babies passing was unexplained, if they were ill, hospital negligence, or if you had to make the heartbreaking decision to medically interfere with the pregnancy; your baby still matters and your voice has every right to be heard.

I recently spoke to a few bloggers about their experiences of miscarriage and still birth. Whilst I would love to include everyone's story, I have narrowed it down to the following:

Early miscarriage
Emma's story is very similar to my own; she had only just found out she was expecting before the pregnancy ended:
Emma's Story

Late miscarriage
Kerry has always been open about her pregnancy losses. After suffering from two early miscarriages she became pregnant with her some Rocco, who sadly was born sleeping at 15 weeks:
Kerry's Story

Father's view
It's very easy to forget about the father when we think of pregnancy loss. Whilst they may not physically go through the loss themselves, the baby is still very much theirs too. This post from The Dad Network is searingly raw and honest:
The Dad Network 

Still Birth
I have to say how brave this lady is. Laura Dove has endured a total of fifteen miscarriages and lost her darling son, Joseph, to still birth:
Laura's Story

Medical Intervention
A good friend of mine who I met through being pregnant with my daughter, recently gave birth to her beautiful little girl Holly at 25 weeks. She and her husband had to make the most agonising decision anyone would ever have to face. Since then, Kirsty has been passionate on raising awareness:
Kirsty's Story

If you have been affected by these stories, please know you are not alone:

https://www.sands.org.uk/
http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/