Monday, 21 September 2015

Long Distance


I was always the person who promised myself that I would never ever get into a long distance relationship. The thought of being away from someone that I loved made me feel sick and then there's the trust side of it. After being royally tucked over in previous relationships, my trust has always been low and I have always been fiercely guarded over my emotions. After my last relationship ended I vowed to never let my guard down again.

Back in April 2013 I was set up with a bloke who worked in Iraq. I never thought that anything would ever come of it, but thought "What the heck, why not?", so we got chatting via text. Flowers arrived at my door on my birthday as a surprise and I was a bit smitten, however, still never thought it would ever go anywhere. We hadn't even met, spoke on the phone or Skyped - I wanted to put that all off as I was nervous. 

After almost 3 months of speaking via text, he was on leave and flew over for the weekend to meet me. I collected him from the airport (with a friend incase he tried to kill me!) and he checked into a local hotel. That evening we went out for a meal and got insanely drunk, and that was pretty much how the whole weekend panned out. 

As I went to work on the Monday I truly thought that I would never hear from him again - I am a negative person when it comes to relationships and lack very much in the self esteem department. But lo and behold, I did hear from him and a few weeks later we made things official.
Fast forward 6 months and he asked me to move in, we got a cat. Another 6 months we decided to try for a baby and I conceived. Almost 2 years later we are sharing our life with our daughter and are engaged.

To some it may sound like a perfect relationship, but it's not. Having to cope with him being away for just over 8 weeks at a time and only spending 4 weeks with him when he is home is not ideal. When our daughter was born he was away in Iraq and didn't meet her until she was 2 and a half weeks old.
Having to look after a newborn whilst recovering from a traumatic labour and blood transfusion by myself was not great - I felt scared, vulnerable and I did cry a lot. The first night home from the hospital she didn't sleep at all - I bawled my eyes out and truly thought "What have I done?"

It sounds awful but I felt like a single mother and thought I would end up hating him for it - despite the fact that his job was what was helping me stay at home for the full duration of my maternity leave.

However, over the last couple of years we have made things work. We try to Skype every day and of course keep in touch via text. Luckily, I do enjoy my space, but I hate the fact that he is missing out on so much with his daughter - having to watch her grow up through a screen is not the best of things. 

Currently, she is almost 6 months old and he has only spent 2 leaves with her. People always say that I'm doing amazing and that they could never do it - I thought that too, but I just got on with it. Even before our daughter was here, it became second nature to me, which I was shocked by. The girl who said she would never have a long distance relationship finally let her guard down.

We still have our ups and downs - there are nights where all I want is some adult company and I have had a cry now and then about the whole thing. But I know it will not be forever - we are hoping that within the next 3 years or so that he will be working back in the UK and I truly can't wait for it.

Don't ever say you cannot do something - you really can. It's hard work being in this sort of relationship, but it works for us. I really think that if we had constantly been together he would have been buried in the garden by now!


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