Monday 18 December 2017

Drowning in the Parenthood Puddle

Is it just me or do any other parents currently feel like they are drowning in the parenthood puddle, or maybe ocean is a better word? The ocean in the grips of a horrific storm with fifty foot waves crashing down over you every time you break the surface for a gulp of air?
I was pretty sure that I had my shit together with parenting two children, keeping a tidy home along with everything else that living tends to involve. But in all honesty, I don’t think I do anymore.
All around me I see parents coping; they manage to get themselves and all of the kids up, dressed, fed and out of the door before 9am, ready for a jam packed day of play dates and fun. Oh and their houses are immaculate when they leave too.
I would love to be able to say that my life is like that, but I would definitely be lying. I feel like I am winning at life if I am able to leave the house before 11am and when I do I leave behind toys scattered all over the floor and a washing basket piled high with dirty clothes. 
I always wanted to be a crafty Pinterest mother - I soon discovered that this is not me. I don’t seem to have a crafty bone in my body and to be rather blunt, I just don’t have the patience for it and neither does Aoife; she gets bored way too quickly. Whilst this may change when Florrie is old enough to participate, for now we stick to crayons and leave the major crafting for nursery.
What makes it all the more harder is the expectations from others - I’m currently off work on maternity leave and people seem to expect me to have everything done as I don’t actually “do” anything all day, or so they think. The truth is, is that I actually do a lot each day even if I don’t leave the house. Getting both girls dressed and fed, along with keeping Aoife entertained throughout the day and keeping the house in some sort of order is a feat in itself.
I recently went away for the weekend and thought, finally, a chance for my husband to see exactly what it’s like - I genuinely thought that he would be able to see why sometimes there is still washing to be done or dishes to be loaded into the dishwasher. Instead, I came home to an absolutely immaculate house; now a lot of people would wonder why I would complain about this, which is fair enough. Now, he could have done this to make the burden easier for me, but in reality it made me feel like an even worse mother. All of the washing had been done, all of the floors mopped and hoovered; even the bedding and towels in the airing cupboard had been organised and folded. In that exact moment seeing the organisation of that bedding, I felt like a failure. I couldn’t help but wonder how on earth he managed to find time to do all of that whilst looking after both of the girls when there are some days where I can barely get a load of washing on.
My days now consist of soft play, quick walks round the park when it isn't Jack Frost weather, trying to get six loads of washing done a day (why do kids get through so much clothing?!) and having a massive tidy up when the eldest is in bed. Gone are my days of chilling in Starbucks with friends; imagine trying to do that now with a toddler and a four month old!
I can't help but wonder if anyone else feels like this and is also putting on a brave face?


1 comment

  1. I remember feeling like this when I was off on maternity but do you know what, the majority of Mums are in the same boat as you! It’s bloody difficult juggling housework, a feisty toddler and a newborn baby! You are doing a great job and being able to leave the house by 11am is a great achievement in itself! I only had one to cope with and most days I didn’t leave at all! Keep going Mama, you got this x