Surrogacy | A year on

I can't believe that a whole year has now passed since I gave birth; since then so much has happened and I have had time to reflect on surrogacy and my own experience of it.

So, yesterday marked a full year of my surrogacy pregnancy being complete. A whole year since a new family being formed (if you want to check out the birth story, you can find it here). For me, it was very bittersweet; not for any negative reasons, but knowing that it may be a little longer than I had initially planned before I am able to help with a sibling journey which upsets me. I know that, right now, my degree is a lot more intense than I ever imagined and a pregnancy may not be the best idea. But who knows?!

I got to see the little one the day before her first birthday as I helped take her birthday cake smash photos which was lovely, although it was a killer for my daughters who wanted to get involved too! On her actual birthday I spent the day working with the midwife who was in the ambulance transfer with me when I was in labour as she is now my placement mentor.

This past year has gone by in the blink of an eye. Even a year on I get people questioning me over the journey and asking how it was afterwards once I had given birth. A part of me thinks that they're hoping for me to say that I regretted it or that I was upset about it all, but I can hand on heart say that not once have I ever regretted my decision. I remember after the birth waiting for the 3 day hormone surge to take place and for me to dip, but I didn't, which was a welcome surprise.

Over the last year I have stayed active in the surrogacy communities and followed many more amazing journeys. The support between fellow surrogates and IPs is honestly incredible and something that I admire so much. 

I still feel a bit of a novice when it comes to surrogacy though and there are things I would do differently for my next journey. Now that I have started my training I have learnt so much more and will definitely be taking this information with me into my next surrogate pregnancy.

I don't really know what my intent was with this post, a reflection of some sort? I'm not very good with praise or compliments; I always feel awkward when I receive them. I still don't think what I did was amazing. I genuinely love being pregnant and I enjoy labour, so surrogacy makes sense to me in that respect. Of course, I wanted to help create a family - that was always and will always be my main aim when it comes to surrogacy. However a part of me does feel that what I did was selfish; I got a pregnancy, the labour that I had dreamed of, maternity leave from a job I hated, and I didn't even have to change a nappy! I also got to spend time watching a new family grow and flourish.

Maybe one day the true realization will hit me and I will think "Wow, I did something amazing", but right now I am still in a selfish bubble. I don't think what I did was amazing, I really don't. In all honesty, I don't know why more women don't become surrogates, especially those who love pregnancy.

Here's hoping that in the next couple of years I can get on with planning the next journey.